Why Would I Want to Follow the Lives of Famous People?

This is important to me. I am in the process of writing a book, a memoir of my experiences with depression and anxiety, amongst other subjects. I am drawing the material from diary entries, chapbooks, and poems I have written over the years. This poem was published by Selcouth Station in October last year. it is one of two longer mental health poems I have written. Whether I will self-publish this book, or find a publisher for it, or if it will be 50 pages or 500, or if it will take me 23 years or 53 to write I do not know. It is a slow and steady process. 

photo of dried roses
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Why Would I Want to Follow the Lives of Famous People?



i used to be baffled by Twitter

why would i want to follow the lives of famous people?

more than likely it was my desire to belong
which lead me to sign up

and after that

before all of that
a computer was in the front room
and that is where it stayed
Laptop’s were shared between siblings
Nokia’s were used for distraction – games
and a BBM was sent via Blackberry
i remember when the computer suite was opened
in school with much publicity
now it’s a given
there will be computers in every classroom

i would take long walks as a teenager
i was solitary
after a school day ended
i needed to clear my head

i was out for hours
rain or shine

i liked the way my muscles would ache –
i felt that I was growing stronger

i have mental health problems

perhaps social media
pushed open that door further

i never used to doubt myself so much

the anxiety festering

what am i missing

who am i not comparing myself with

brought in from the outside world
to the one with optical illusions

easily led by the
wrong influences

i have withered,
and wilted

my soul has died a little
in blackouts, vodka, and violence

allowed myself to be the puppet

had the imperious curse cast on me

and what i need now
is the time
and space
to clear my head
and grow

your concerns were not mine

i didn’t want them

i never did.

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2 thoughts on “Why Would I Want to Follow the Lives of Famous People?

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