Book Bloggers, we read a book, and we write a review for that book. Perhaps. We blog about the book. We might share that we have read the book on social media. You think writing glowing, or otherwise, words about a book needn’t be so hard. The blogging part can take the best part of an hour, but it’s fun, right, talking about books. Of course, unless that is you have become paralyzed with fear, indecision, and doom. Writing reviews for books you have read is hard when you have depression. Depression can occur at any particular moment, especially if you haven’t been taking care of yourself. The depression has nothing to do with blogging (burnout) but time of year, month, circumstances etc.
Sometimes I may take notes while I read a book and then knit them all together once I have finished the book. If I have a period of depression and I come back to those notes some weeks after I have read a book it can make it difficult to make anything of those notes. Sometimes I try to find complete reviews I have written in my notebooks and the review is so bad, it stinks! It in no way represents the book I have read, the words are all wrong, I am not sure if the names of the characters are correct or if I have used the right words to describe something. The review is flat. Who knows, maybe no-one will notice. It is my need for perfectionism that points out flaws that any-body else would not notice. I think about publication dates, late reviews, not posting for a blog tour, letting publishers and authors down, how long it has been since I posted on my blog and if the people who follow my blog, and have all but deserted it, hope I will return. I then don’t know if I should scrap the review, read the book again, or scream in frustration. Or all three.
Depression is designed to make us feel shitty. It is all and nothing. As I wrote once ‘It becomes tiring, carrying around misery. Like a large bag of shit.’
And to combat it sometimes you need to stop, rewind and rest.