you are not entirely blameless

lazy is a word i heard repeatedly growing up
lazy is synonymous with the word failure, apparently
not self-care 
you're a slacker Katie you've no ambition no drive no get up or go i despair
what are you going to do when you're older you can't live on thin air you know
 
it is so cruel to render a person immobile
by negative words
that continue to ring now in my ears
they shell through my self-esteem
pinging into my ambitions
 
if only you knew the true story
if only you cared beyond your position
 
to get to know me
me -
the me you wouldn't encourage me to become
 
i have tried to jump through hoops
and shut myself in boxes
 
to not be the me
you seem to dislike so
 
and why
 
i struggle
at every attempt -
lumping around
my bruised self-esteem
 
if only
you asked
questions.

kate © 

Published by Quail Bell Magazine

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