Poetic Insights

I feel I had a more productive week this week and that I stuck to the tasks I had given myself. I have a habit of getting up in the morning (late afternoon for me, I’m a night owl) , thinking about what I have to do, and then my mood plummets because I don’t feel able to do those things or I don’t feel that I have the confidence to.

So this week I concentrated on the small tasks that I had still to do from December/January. I got them done, and they were not as scary as my mind had made them out to be. I actually tried to enjoy what I was doing too and by that I think I mean, being present and not worrying about a million other things that have to be done afterwards. I cleared the space next to my sofa in my living room, basically a bunch of books and papers. Books that need to be returned to the library, books I am going to write a review for and reference books. That seems to have shifted some space in my head. I read some books this week, compared to scrolling on my phone, and that’s more space cleared, for me to move on and read the other books that I want to. Lots of organisation this week, and it seems to have made a difference.

I also sort of started a morning routine. I have my cereal in the morning, with a glass of water, and then the first thing I will tackle is emails. Usually when I get up, my head starts to immediately spin and I am not sure what to do first. I tend to get stuck doing something not productive. And then I am not able to move myself on. I made myself dinner this week on a few occasions. I usually cook for other people and will sometimes eat what they have. If I don’t like what they are having, I will expend all of my energy cooking them dinner, and clearing up, and have no energy to cook myself something. I don’t feel as if I am worth the effort. But I love cooking for other people. So I actually made myself dinner. A functional dinner. Not very nutritious dinner. But a meal all the same.

And the biggest part of this week was not letting it fall apart by Wednesday/Thursday. I can be productive, make plans, get into good habits but then by the mid-way point, sometimes something happens or I sabotage it, and I return to old habits. Thinking about it, that’s probably not a surprise. Because I am used to those habits and, of course, they will feel a hundred times more comfy, than new ways, which feel uncomfortable.

Phew. Now to do it all again next week.

kate