Experiencing anxiety 😥

My anxiety has been bad over the last few weeks and it is probably because I have been challenging my anxiety and trying to do different things in March. I have gotten used to certain times and schedules and people I have to see and whatnot and when these things change, I react negatively because I do not like change, so that meant taking some steps back.

I feel shattered, battling your own brain is exhausting. Sometimes I merely want to live and get through a day and when I have to think about other things that cause me to feel anxious, that gives the anxiety power so I struggle some days to be productive. It zaps me of control. I have to remind myself getting through a day is literally what I need to do. There’s a lot to fit in, especially with taking care of yourself and I think I have been doing well in that aspect, at least. Here’s a poem I wrote a few days ago, some thoughts.

My anxiety means brain fog
Means wobbly jelly legs and tunnel vision 
I stop and stare at the floor and in turn everyone stops and stares at me –
I feel stupid and useless and ugly 
(and I am aware I am due a haircut and I have been worrying about that for weeks) 
And my only means of escape is to rotate and head for the exit
Head for the exit
Because there’s never been anybody who understands
Who explains and listens and puts a steadying hand on my arm 
So I have learnt to hide
Or to exit 
And now every time I try to create something new for myself
My anxiety roars and roars 
An upset tummy and worries and endless repeats of what ifs and what has gone wrong before
Chasing me into a corner 
And nobody knows 
They see me and think shy and reserved and quiet 
But they think I am able 
And I am not
I just want to exit and hide –
Stay inside 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.