Poetic Insights

Hello.

I hope you are all well. 

I wanted to share that, as you may or may not know, I have anxiety and agoraphobia, so as a result of that I rarely go out by myself. The world is far too noisy and loud. Last week though, that changed. I went out by myself on 2 occasions. 

On the first occasion, I had to go into town. Town is definitely the place to avoid if you do not like noisy and loud. Because of price rises, I have to go and shop in 4 different places to find the best products within budget. Let me tell you, when I went into town time seemed to slow down. It seemed to take me a whole era to get to each shop. Also, self-service checkouts. Praise to whoever invented those machines, because that simple interaction with a person working at the checkout, I need to do rehearsals of what I say and what I do with my face. It’s nerve wracking! 


On the second occasion, I went to the supermarket. This was a far easier place to go because I am very familiar with the supermarket and the layout. They did not have the eggs I needed and God, it is annoying when the supermarket hasn’t got something on the shopping list. Especially as this supermarket sells 6 eggs for 55p. I refuse to buy eggs anywhere else because that is the cheapest you are going to find them anywhere. But, you know, at least that annoyance distracted me from the waves of anxiety I had sloshing about in my body. 

So, all in all, last week was a success. I have not been having a great September so far. It’s one of those where you get into a funk and everything slows down, stops and I cannot find my motivation anywhere. I have a backlog of 10 books that I need to write reviews for. Never mind the backlog of everything else that I need to do. Although, conversely, I have been keeping on top of cleaning. Which is bizarre. I hate cleaning. 

I did finish a task on the weekend, which I have been dragging my feet on doing, and that was backing up every document on my laptop, and then deleting them before my Microsoft subscription comes to an end. I cannot afford that subscription right now. Google Docs is free and I am going to use that, even though so far using it feels like I have returned to the wrong flat on the way home from the shop. I had a ridiculous amount of documents on my laptop. Most of them have been named something that is unhelpful and not at all conducive to productivity. There are so many ideas on my laptop, and on my phone for stories and essays. Screenshots and tweets I have saved. I find ideas are easy to come by but it’s as if I need to immediately do something with them because I store them away and forget about them. I have taken steps of writing a list and every day I am going to take one of the ideas on that list and write. I know at first I will be dragging myself kicking and screaming to do it because: demand avoidance, but we’re going to form the habit. One way or another. 

I'm a writer, I’m supposed to write sometimes. It’s strange because being in a funk, I couldn’t be further away from writing. Returning back to it is great, like sinking into a warm bath but it’s probably something that helps me and I should be keeping up with it. Just being creative. That’s why I have this blog.