Sometimes life is about compromise and I feel as if I have had to do a lot of that recently. I have felt that I have had to drag myself to do what I need to do, like if I don’t do the washing up, then it’s going to be very difficult to do dinner when the kitchen is cluttered with dirty dishes. Oh and I have needed to hang my clothes up in the middle section of my cupboard for 2 weeks now. Hanging up clothes is one of my least favorite tasks. I swear it feels as if it takes a century to finish, when it is probably closer to 5 minutes. I have to coax myself. I have to write a list of the things I need to do and in what order I need to do them. The order is the important part. I like order. I have to put my phone away because I get distracted. It seems like all I want is distraction, otherwise I will start to think about … things and then I will mentally feel like shit.
Another compromise is going out. My anxiety has been vibing the last week. A couple of days ago I needed to go into town and I needed to take a book back to the library. I was not getting out of the front door. So I had to tell myself, at the very least let’s go to the library. Because I know I do start to feel better once I get going, it’s the getting going when you feel dead inside that’s hard. I told myself we can walk through the park, listen to an audiobook and then I can at least mentally switch off because I know the route well. That worked. It took me a few hours but I got out of the door. I got to the library. That is something ticked off and I can move on. It’s a reason why I don’t like this part of the year because it gets dark earlier in the evening and I usually go out later because that’s how long I take to motivate myself, but you don’t want to be wandering around here when it’s dark.
Apart from mental struggles, I had a brain fart moment as well. You might, or might not, be familiar with a comedic actor called Leonard Rossiter, who was and is still famous for the television sitcoms Rising Damp and The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin. I am a huge fan. I learnt that he had a role in the film Oliver! You know, that famous award winning film. I must have seen it thousands of times, and I had never realized Leonard Rossiter had a part in that film. Not a blink and you will miss him moment either. I do not know how I never twigged. My facial recognition skills are not great, that’s clear. I remember when in my last flat, I had a neighbor who had 2 dogs and I had never realized until moving out that there were 2 dogs. I assumed that he had alternative names for his dog, so I am terrible at distinguishing dogs apart too. For a writer, I am clearly not that observant.
Third subject I want to mention is: why do people feel the need to say anything when they can simply say nothing at all? Since getting back into Doctor Who, the person I live with feels the need to comment or tuts when another Doctor Who book falls onto the door mat. It doesn’t bother me as much as it did when I was a teenager and eventually put me off watching the show because I thought it was so uncool. If something makes somebody else happy and it isn’t harming anyone, then where is the issue? I don’t think you get to dictate what other people spend their spare time, and money, on. I was so happy with the purchases I made as well, hardback books at a reasonable price and in very good condition. So that’s goodbye to all the other books on my TBR pile because I won’t be getting around to reading them any time soon.
For those who are curious