i open the lid 
push my finger down onto the power button 
and it 
lights up blue 
i remember my password
and look at my sticky tabs - 
the schedule i follow

step by step
i click through files - 
history trail 
find what i was working on 
before - 

i spell out words - the keys underneath my fingertips 
make that reassuring sound 
i’m re-connecting - coming back to life -
my work - my poetry - my ideas are reawakening 
as i 
recall past enthusiasm 
and what i was going to do - before
well -

depression has no concern for what you want to do - it wants you to cease immediately -
suspended as if preserved 
in a frozen stone statue form 
time passing by - numbing the pain by whichever means necessary 
depression wants me to stay 
in its grip 
but i am not stuck - not in that way 


i am this - my creativity - my ideas
i am able to reach out - to communicate - share - 
i am flesh - i am bone -
i exist 
i am alive 


Kate Lewington ©